Insecurities

So, lately I really haven't been feeling very much like myself.  As I sat back one day and evaluated my life, I realized I'm not really the person I used to be when I was working.  I used to be fun, outgoing, and such a social butterfly.  Now that I stay home with Thomas during the week I have grown to like being that way.  I like being at home.  I like just hanging out with him all day.  But it has made me such an introvert.  I never want to go out.  I never want to do anything.  I live my life in t-shirts and sweats and I don't even want to run to the grocery store for fear I might have to put make-up on.  I have realized that the introverted person I have turned into, I don't like so much.  I miss being social, having friends, doing things, dressing up... The list goes on and on.
So, I took a leap of faith and nominated myself to be the hospitality person on the PTO at Trinity's school.  It seemed like a good idea at the time.  I want to be more involved in the school.  I want to have more friends and this just seemed like a good way to dive back into things.  But now, my anxiety has set in.
I received a phone call yesterday from someone on the PTO board telling me that there's another lady interested in the same position I'm interested in.  Immediately my competitive side set in.  Who could be more qualified than me??  I have years of hotel experience and customer service!  My mom has taught at the school for over 15 years and most of the teachers and staff know who I am.  Then...my insecurities set in.  The lady begins to explain to me that there will be a vote.  Which I was fine with when I thought it would just be the PTO Board that would vote.  OH NO!!!  They will send a survey out to the ENTIRE SCHOOL and have them vote.  All of a sudden I flash back to high school.  I hear all the cool kids laughing at the thought that I would even try to compete at this.  All I want to do now is quit.  This is a losing battle for Homecoming Queen all over again!!!  I feel like I've already lost and I don't even know who I'm going up against.  I've gone from excitement and visualizing myself being THE BEST hospitality mom EVER to complete and total terror.
I HATE THIS!!!  I hate feeling this way!  I hate being so insecure in myself.  This is not who I am.  This is not who I want to be.  Even when I was in high school I thought I was so awesome and everyone else failed to see it.  Now, in the real world, I just so desperately want to be one of the "cool moms" that goes inside to drop her kid off at school every morning just so she can chat with her other "cool mom" friends.  This may all sound absurd to some of you but it's so real to me.  I don't know what to do.  Tonight I have to go to the PTO meeting and stand up in front of everybody so they can get a good look at me and decide if they want to vote for me.  I am scared out of my mind!!
I guess all I can do is pray.  If God has this in the cards of the deck that is my life, it will happen.  But sometimes it is just so hard not to let the fear take over and paralyze me.

Thanks for listening!